Tuesday, August 18, 2015

نہ جیت پائے، نہ ھار پائے

وجود اپنا، نہ روح اپنی
بس اک تماشہ یہ زیست ٹھہری
نہ دل لگی میں سکون پایا
نہ عاشقی میں قرار آیا
وصال لمحے نہ  راس آئے
نہ ھجر ھی ھم گُزار پائے
عجیب چاھت کے مرحلے ھیں
نہ جیت پائے، نہ ھار پائے

Courtesy: Faari Waraich

Thursday, July 02, 2015

10 terrific traits of the average Pakistani

10 terrific traits of the average Pakistani

By Tehmina Khan Published: May 31, 2011

1. Our warmth: I was halfway through the journey on a PIA flight back home from Toronto and the lady next to me, who was a complete stranger, said in a gruff/indignant/too-assertive-to-leave-any-room-for-argument tone of voice:

"You haven't eaten throughout the journey, eat your dinner."

So a lot of people, especially of the Western individual-is-might mentality would consider this rude or nosy but it really warmed my heart. A random stranger caring about what I eat is touching.  I mean, really – who does that? A sweet, motherly Pakistani aunty on a PIA flight, that's who.

2. Our sense of humour: Yeah it's inappropriate, kooky, nonsensical, illogical, and sometimes plain outrageous (not to mention incredibly politically incorrect), but it is our sole surviving mechanism through these incredibly hard times.

When I went to work the day after the raid in Abbottabad that launched the latest round of condemnation of our beleaguered country, a co-worker said to another:

"My condolences, I heard they shot your good friend Osama. What a tragic way to die."

It was totally random. The co-worker at the receiving end blinked, was slightly confused, and delivered a bored comeback and went back to work – just one exchange in a series of silly exchanges that tickle the funny bone and make it easier to get through the tough challenges that face us.

3. Our passion: For food. For lawn. For bargaining. For cussing out news anchors. It is everywhere. Observe it and absorb it. Some people complain about the 'boisterousness' of the Punjabi people, but it was such a soothing balm after spending a stretch of time doing my Bachelor's in the West. People are decidedly mellow there (to the point of being eerily unresponsive).

4. Our levity: Somehow the true gravitas of a situation is lost upon us. Heart attacks? Failing you're A-levels? Root canal? Survived a suicide blast? Just observe the reactions of those around you (after the immediate aftermath of intense care and concern, of course).

It can drive you nuts when you are trying to extract the appropriate amount of sympathy and concern, but in the long run having these things brushed off changes your perspective.

Nothing is insurmountable, nothing is terrifying.

We're pretty brave if you really think about it. Of course, you could replace "brave" with less flattering adjectives, but I'll go with brave!

5. Our wisdom: We have a rich, ancient, and deep-rooted culture that is the opposite of superficial. Well, superficiality will always be present, of course, but I've noticed a depth of soul that seems to spring from our very soil (if not the people). Pay attention the next time someone offhandedly cites a Punjabi mahavra. I love such mass-scale, non-esoteric, indigenous nuggets of wit and wisdom. I mean, just the other day I saw this written on the back of a rickshaw:

"Sajjan koi koi, dushmun har koi."

I laughed, and then I thought about it. Funny yet thought-provoking and from such an unexpected source.

6. Our stamina: Not physically – we really could do with bolstering ourselves in that arena!

I mean our stamina for things that are not necessarily fun. When our grandparents are sick, we are by their bedsides. When it's time to study, we buckle down and study. That is a remarkable trait in everyone but especially for the young. The West is troubled with the "rebellious teenager" stereotype, but it isn't that rampant here – quite the opposite actually.

7. Our earthiness: We are not high-maintenance; we will make do with almond oil in our hair instead of fancy products. We're happy to wear local-artisan created kola puris. And now it is actually fashionable to be "environmentally friendly" and go for "organic" products. Yeah, we've been doing it for generations.

8. Our culture: I'm commenting on our culture of making sacrifices for our parents' happiness. My friends choose their majors to make their parents happy. We have to suck it up and paste a smile on our faces when we are dragged to random people's weddings. This ties in with our 'stamina' but it is our culture that snuffs out the "me, me, me, only me" monster (of course some people are impervious to this and still run around spouting that as their mantra).

9. Our talent'Jay's Toons' on Facebook, anyone? Coke studioOlive handmade soaps? With all the challenges these people face, somehow, their talent and genius slips through the cracks of the obstacles that are there. I can only imagine where we'd be if we actually had proper platforms and monetary incentives.

10. Our festivity: No need to elaborate. When it's time to celebrate, we know how to do it. Good food, merry people, and our homeland – the combination is very joyous if you stop to think about it.

There you go. Yes, this is a naïve, limited, somewhat contradictory and by no means comprehensive list, and I've employed a generous dose of the "card stacking" fallacy to keep the positive vibe going.

But, really, we need to lift each other up, not tear each other down. There are enough people in this world to do that for us.

Source: http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/6157/10-terrific-traits-of-the-average-pakistani/

Monday, June 15, 2015

11 Things Smart People Won’t Say

11 Things Smart People Won't Say

Sunday, June 14, 2015, Dr. Travis Bradberry, Coauthor Emotional Intelligence

There are some things you simply never want to say at work.

These phrases carry special power: they have an uncanny ability to make you look bad even when the words are true.

Worst of all, there's no taking them back once they slip out.

I'm not talking about shocking slips of the tongue, off-color jokes, or politically incorrect faux pas. These aren't the only ways to make yourself look bad.

Often it's the subtle remarks—the ones that paint us as incompetent and unconfident—that do the most damage.

No matter how talented you are or what you've accomplished, there are certain phrases that instantly change the way people see you and can forever cast you in a negative light. These phrases are so loaded with negative implications that they undermine careers in short order.

How many of these career killers have you heard around the office lately?

 

1. "It's not fair"

Everyone knows that life isn't fair. Saying it's not fair suggests that you think life is supposed to be fair, which makes you look immature and naïve.

If you don't want to make yourself look bad, you need to stick to the facts, stay constructive, and leave your interpretation out of it. For instance, you could say, "I noticed that you assigned Ann that big project I was hoping for. Would you mind telling me what went into that decision? I'd like to know why you thought I wasn't a good fit, so that I can work on improving those skills."

 

2. "This is the way it's always been done"

Technology-fueled change is happening so fast that even a six-month-old process could be outdated. Saying this is the way it's always been done not only makes you sound lazy and resistant to change, but it could make your boss wonder why you haven't tried to improve things on your own. If you really are doing things the way they've always been done, there's almost certainly a better way.

 

3. "No problem"

When someone asks you to do something or thanks you for doing something, and you tell them no problem, you're implying that their request should have been a problem. This makes people feel as though they've imposed upon you.

What you want to do instead is to show people that you're happy to do your job. Say something like "It was my pleasure" or "I'll be happy to take care of that." It's a subtle difference in language, but one that has a huge impact on people.

 

4. "I think …/This may be a silly idea …/I'm going to ask a stupid question"

These overly passive phrases instantly erode your credibility. Even if you follow these phrases with a great idea, they suggest that you lack confidence, which makes the people you're speaking to lose confidence in you.

Don't be your own worst critic. If you're not confident in what you're saying, no one else will be either. And, if you really don't know something, say, "I don't have that information right now, but I'll find out and get right back to you."

 

5. "This will only take a minute"

Saying that something only takes a minute undermines your skills and gives the impression that you rush through tasks. Unless you're literally going to complete the task in 60 seconds, feel free to say that it won't take long, but don't make it sound as though the task can be completed any sooner than it can actually be finished.

 

6. "I'll try"

Just like the word think, try sounds tentative and suggests that you lack confidence in your ability to execute the task. Take full ownership of your capabilities. If you're asked to do something, either commit to doing it or offer an alternative, but don't say that you'll try because it sounds like you won't try all that hard.

 

7. "He's lazy/incompetent/a jerk"

There is no upside to making a disparaging remark about a colleague. If your remark is accurate, everybody already knows it, so there's no need to point it out. If your remark is inaccurate, you're the one who ends up looking like a jerk.

There will always be rude or incompetent people in any workplace, and chances are that everyone knows who they are. If you don't have the power to help them improve or to fire them, then you have nothing to gain by broadcasting their ineptitude. Announcing your colleague's incompetence comes across as an insecure attempt to make you look better. Your callousness will inevitably come back to haunt you in the form of your coworkers' negative opinions of you.

 

8. "That's not in my job description"

This often sarcastic phrase makes you sound as though you're only willing to do the bare minimum required to keep getting a paycheck, which is a bad thing if you like job security.

If your boss asks you to do something that you feel is inappropriate for your position (as opposed to morally or ethically inappropriate), the best move is to complete the task eagerly. Later, schedule a conversation with your boss to discuss your role in the company and whether your job description needs an update. This ensures that you avoid looking petty. It also enables you and your boss to develop a long-term understanding of what you should and shouldn't be doing.

 

9. "It's not my fault"

It's never a good idea to cast blame. Be accountable. If you had any role—no matter how small—in whatever went wrong, own it. If not, offer an objective, dispassionate explanation of what happened. Stick to the facts, and let your boss and colleagues draw their own conclusions about who's to blame.

The moment you start pointing fingers is the moment people start seeing you as someone who lacks accountability for their actions. This makes people nervous. Some will avoid working with you altogether, and others will strike first and blame you when something goes wrong.

 

10. "I can't"

I can't is it's not my fault's twisted sister. People don't like to hear I can't because they think it means I won't. Saying I can't suggests that you're not willing to do what it takes to get the job done.

If you really can't do something because you truly lack the necessary skills, you need to offer an alternative solution. Instead of saying what you can't do, say what you can do. For example, instead of saying "I can't stay late tonight," say "I can come in early tomorrow morning. Will that work?" Instead of "I can't run those numbers," say "I don't yet know how to run that type of analysis. Is there someone who can show me so that I can do it on my own next time?"

 

11. "I hate this job"

The last thing anyone wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. Doing so labels you as a negative person and brings down the morale of the group. Bosses are quick to catch on to naysayers who drag down morale, and they know that there are always enthusiastic replacements waiting just around the corner.

 

Bringing it all together

Eliminating these phrases from your vocabulary pays dividends. They have a tendency to sneak up on you, so you're going to have to catch yourself until you've solidified the habit of not saying them.

 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

90 TIPS FROM TOASTMASTERS

90 TIPS FROM TOASTMASTERS

1. Know your material. Speak about a topic you're interested in and know a lot about. Reinforce your message with facts and statistics, if possible. 

2. Make it personal. Use humor, personal anecdotes and conversational language to make your speech engaging.

3. Practice makes permanent. Rehearse your speech aloud using any equipment and/or visual aids you'll use during your presentation. Rehearse as often as you can.

4. Time yourself. Time your speech every time you rehearse it to ensure you don't go over the five- to seven-minute time limit.  

5. Pace yourself. People tend to rush when they're nervous, so practice keeping your speech at a calm, steady pace.

6. Arrive early. Give yourself enough time to get acquainted with the stage or presentation area, and test the microphone and any visual aids you'll be using.

7. Relax. Breathe and stretch before taking the stage. Pause for a few seconds, smile and count to three before speaking. 

8. Visualize your success. Imagine yourself giving your speech: your voice is loud, clear and confident. Imagine hearing the audience's applause – it will boost your confidence.

9. Trust your audience. The audience isn't your enemy - they want you to be interesting, stimulating, informative and entertaining. They're rooting for you.

10. Don't apologize. If you make a mistake, there's no need to say you're sorry. Pick up where you left off and keep going.

11. Use humor when things go wrong. If something goes wrong during your speech, tell a quick joke to help put you and your audience at ease. For example, if the lights go out, a good joke might be: "Who forgot to pay the electric bill?"

12. Gain experience. Experience builds confidence, which is the key to effective communication. Joining a Toastmasters club can provide the experience you need in a safe and encouraging environment.

13. Eliminate filler words. Using umms and ahhhs in your speech will distract your message. Briefly pause to gather your next thought, or take a sip of water.

14. Ditch distracting mannerisms. Nervous fidgeting or gestures will detract from your message. Use purposeful gestures to give your speech more impact.

15. Keep your notes in check. If you need to use notes, be subtle and do not read your speech.

16. Test your volume. Before your speech, ask a friend or colleague to listen to you from the back of the room to ensure you're speaking at the right volume.

17. Enter contests. Entering contests is a challenging and fun way to improve your skills. Toastmasters offers various speech contests throughout the year.

18. Enjoy yourself. Choose a topic on something that is important to you, and that you feel passionate about. Your commitment to the topic will help sell the speech to your audience.

19. Use visuals. Make sure your visual aids reinforce your message and don't distract from it.

20. Embrace your unique style. Don't copy the style or gestures of other speakers, as your audience will sense a lack of authenticity. Be yourself; no one does that better than you can.

21. Fuel your mental engine. Eat a light meal at least 20 minutes prior to your speech.

22. Burn off anxiety. Your body produces cortisol when you're anxious or stressed, which limits your creativity and ability to process complex information. Be sure to burn off cortisol with exercise before any speaking engagement.

23. Be prepared for the worst. Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Be prepared by having print-outs of your presentation slides and a copy of your presentation on USB drive.

24. Pause. Before addressing your audience, pause for a few seconds. This will gain their attention and increase impact.

25. Ask a thought-provoking question. Capture the audience's attention by asking a question they may not know the answer to. For example, "Do you know why the sky is blue? It's a question many kids ask their parents as kids, and I'm honestly not sure I could explain it without a Google search. But I do know what will turn the sky from blue to grey, and that's pollution."

26. Share a startling fact. Everyone loves an interesting piece of information. Be sure to share something that audience will find surprising.

27. Don't overload your slides. Keep your slides concise; don't overload them with too many talking points.

28. Repeat the audience's questions. If an audience member asks a question, repeat it back so everyone can hear it and knows what you are speaking to.

29. Give your audience an immediate action item. Audiences love to come away from a speech feeling motivated. Take advantage of their current motivation and give them an immediate action item.

30. Push the envelope. Take risks, but know your audience and don't present material simply for shock value. Have a point and the facts to back it up.

31. Seek opportunities everywhere. Public speaking doesn't have to happen in front of an audience. Seek opportunities to practice your communication skills, whether it's sharing an idea at a work meeting or talking to people in public.

32. Be specific. Try to keep your speeches and discussion to the topic on point. Don't convolute your message with too many stories that stray from the original purpose.

33. Be the expert. Make sure that you've done the appropriate research prior to your public speaking engagement. Explore the topic in depth so that you're ready for questions and feel comfortable speaking to your topic.

34. Speak to groups as individuals. While you may be speaking to a group of people, speak to them as though they are just one to make the speech feel more intimate and personal.

35. Learn about your personal leadership style. Everyone has a different leadership style. What's yours? Learn about your leadership style and embrace the positive attributes and make an action plan to change the negative.

36. Find your strengths. Strengths include, voice volume and timbre, expert knowledge, comfort level and ability to think on the fly. Find those strengths and look for a way to capitalize on them.

37. Be passionate. Find topics that mean a lot to you. If you are asked to speak to a topic that you don't feel connected with, look for a connection that interests you. Find something that you can take away from the message.

38. Have a positive attitude. The best way to fail at something is to think you will. Go into every public speaking situation thinking that it's an opportunity to grow and engage.

39. Practice impromptu speaking. Test your skills in business meetings, speaking with a bank teller, or social events.

40. Encourage honest evaluation. The best speakers learn from each experience. Encourage your audience or interviewer to give you their honest critique of your presentation.

41. Use quotes, stories and anecdotes. They will help reinforce your message and entertain the audience.

42. Use "you" and "we". While your speech may require personal stories or anecdotes, be sure to connect the topic with the audience as well. Circle around to explain why it's important to them.

43. Don't take things personally. Your audience may have strong opinions about a topic, especially if it's controversial. Consider their responses educational.

44. Trust your instincts. With leadership and public speaking, it's always important to trust your instincts. If your gut tells you to steer into another direction or bring up a certain topic, listen to what it says.

45. Distinguish your goals and targets. It's important to know the goal of your message and WHY you are speaking to it. The best way to bomb a speech is to not understand the purpose.

46. Learn from your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to appreciate the lesson you learned, and keep moving forward.

47. Know when to lose your script. Gauge your audience's response to your message and know when to change or lose the script. If your audience seems bored or uninterested, move onto to something else.

48. Know the dress code. Research the culture of the audience and how they dress. Dress one level higher than the audience – typically business or business casual.

49. Use slang with caution. Slang words don't translate well across different cultures and ethnicities. Be careful to make sure that the meaning behind your words is interpreted as intended.

50. Breathe out. Take slow deep breaths in and then release your breathe from the bottom of your abdomen to get the maximum benefits of release and relaxation.

51. Be patient. Becoming a great speaker will not just happen overnight. There is a process so be patient with yourself.

52. Treat your speech like fine dining. Approach your speech like a fine five-course meal to be savored one bite at a time, not a fast food meal to be gobbled in a few bites. There's no need to rush.

53. Start your career off on the right note. The way that you speak in the beginning of your career will set the tone for your career path. Don't put off building an authentic and powerful speaking style. Make sure you have it before you need it!

54. Own your worth. You deserve the chance to be heard and share your ideas. Don't feel bad sharing them.

55. When you disagree with someone, rebut their ideas, not them. Always discuss the topic rather than the person. Personally attacking your opponent or audience will take credibility away from you.

56. Stand. Settle. Smile. When you take the stage, stand, settle in your place for a few seconds and then smile prior to speaking.

57. Speak your needs. Don't expect your audience, interviewer or club to guess what you want. Be candid and clear with your intentions.

58. Get rest. Nerves may keep you awake, but try to get an adequate amount of sleep prior to your speech to ensure optimal mental alertness.

59. Avoid negative topics. Try to focus on positive or uplifting messages. While sometimes it's necessary to speak to a negative topic, include positive ways the issue can be improved or resolved.

60. Smile and introduce yourself. Let the audience know who you are and why you should be speaking about this topic.

61. Practice eye contact. Practicing eye contact in all social situations will make it easier on stage. Practice eye contact with people you work with, the cashier at the grocery store, etc.

62. Limit caffeine. Too much caffeine can make you shaky during your speech. Try to limit your caffeine intake the day of and night before your speaking engagement. 

63. Don't hide from your audience. Though you may be nervous, try not to stay behind a podium or hide behind your presentation

64. Use color. Mark your notes with colorful symbols that mean something to you.

65. Don't alienate your audience. Be sure to arrive on time and speak to the topic promised.

66. Know your audience. Don't approach your speech with a one size fits all. Use the internet to search about foreign countries and cultures where you will be speaking. This includes corporate cultures. Speak to your audience. Don't confuse your audience by using technical jargon, industry jargon or complex statistics.

67. Avoid speaking in monotone. Use inflection to signal significant points in your speech and keep the audience engaged.

68. Free your hands. Freeing your hands to use gestures is one way to help eliminate filler words such as "umms" and "ahhhs".

69. Be succinct. Make every word of your speech count. Avoid talking just to "fill the air".

70. Be open to evaluation. Evaluations help boost your confidence and provide tangible direction on how to improve. It's a road map to get you where you need to go. (from the Toastmaster, August 2014, page 14)

71. Give evaluations. Evaluating other speakers in an opportunity to help others find their voice while strengthening your own in the process. (from the Toastmaster, August 2014, page 14) 

72. Use blue note cards. Blue note cards are less distracting to an audience than white cards.

73. Join the online conversation. Follow Toastmasters International on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn, and interact with members from around the globe. Follow your own club's and district's social media pages too.

74. Share the wealth. If you have a friend, family member or colleague who may benefit from Toastmasters, invite them to a meeting to check out the program.

75. Start your journey. If you're not currently working on the Communication or Leadership track as a Toastmaster, now is the perfect time to start. You'll discover new confidence and self-empowerment as you reach your goals.

76. Accept accolades. When you're given a compliment or an award, it's important to accept it graciously. The "Accepting an Award" speech assignment in the Special Occasion Speeches manual will help you master this.

77. Step up. If you haven't filled a certain meeting role in your club yet, make it a point to do so at an upcoming meeting. It will not only get you out of your comfort zone, you'll better understand the overall club experience.

78. Chat with ease. If you feel nervous engaging in one-on-one conversations, you're encouraged to attend club meetings and complete the "Conversing with Ease" assignment in the Interpersonal Communication manual.

79. Manage your time. Serving as a timer at your club meetings and giving speeches with time limits will help you master time management skills that will help you in all areas of your life.

80. Make them laugh. You may not have aspirations of being a stand-up comedian, but you can still learn to give humorous speeches. See the Entertaining Speaker Manual for guidance.

81. Speak your case. Sometimes public speaking has an audience of one, such as a traffic court judge or customer service representative. Presenting a well-organized argument can help you win your case. See the "Organize Your Speech" assignment in the Competent Communication manual for guidance.

82. Keep the peace. As a leader, it's essential to know how to diffuse conflict. See the "Defusing Verbal Communication" assignment in the Interpersonal Communication Manual to help you become a pro at conflict resolution.

83. PREP (Point, Reason, Example, Point). Start your speech with a clear point. Explain your reason for choosing the subject. Illustrate your point with examples. End with a clear point that wraps up the speech.

84. Give a top-notch toast. Stand up, raise your glass, speak from the heart, keep it brief, and stay focused on the person or event being honored.

85. Tap into the past. If you're interested in Toastmasters' evolution over the past 90 years, visit our 90th anniversary page for videos, photos and resources.

86. Use common language. Impress your audience through your presentation and mastery of your topic, not by using complicated words. For example: say "help" instead of "assist" or "use" instead of "utilize".

87. Don't get lost in translation. If you deliver a speech in your second (or even third) language, use humor, metaphor and analogy sparingly, as these don't always translate well into other languages.

88. Take jokes for a test drive. If you want to include a joke in your speech, write several options and test them out with your family, co-workers or club members to see how they are received.

89. Use people's names. People love to be addressed by their name in conversation. To help you remember someone's name, be sure to say it back to them to verify you have it right, and try to use it several times to make it stick.

90. Keep a journal. When you get ideas for speech topics, jot them down in a journal so you have them to refer to when you're tapped for ideas and need inspiration.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

A Story About Goal Setting: The Swimmer

A Story About Goal Setting: The Swimmer

When she looked ahead, Florence Chadwick saw nothing but a solid wall of fog. Her body was numb. She had been swimming for nearly sixteen hours.

Already she was the first woman to swim the English Channel in both directions. She had managed to finish that swim in a record time, 16 hours and 22 minutes on August 8, 1950. Now, at age 34, her goal was to become the first woman to swim from Catalina Island to Palos Verde on the California coast.

On that Fourth of July morning in 1952, the sea was like an ice bath and the fog was so dense she could hardly see her support boats. Sharks cruised toward her lone figure, only to be driven away by rifle shots. Against the frigid grip of the sea, she struggled on - hour after hour - while millions watched on national television.

Alongside Florence in one of the boats, her mother and her trainer offered encouragement. They told her it wasn't much farther. But all she could see was fog. They urged her not to quit. She never had . . . until then. With only a half mile to go, she asked to be pulled out.
Still thawing her chilled body several hours later, she told a reporter, "Look, I'm not excusing myself, but if I could have seen land I might have made it." It was not fatigue or even the cold water that defeated her. It was the fog. She was unable to see her goal.
Two months later, she tried again. This time, despite the same dense fog, she swam with her faith intact and her goal clearly pictured in her mind. She knew that somewhere behind that fog was land and this time she made it! Florence Chadwick became the first woman to swim the Catalina, eclipsing the men's record by two hours!

---------------------------------
~ Author Unknown ~

Monday, March 16, 2015

وَہاں تَو کُچھ نَہِیں ہَوتا جَہاں پَر تُم نَہِیں ہَوتے،

وَہاں نہ پُھول کِھلتے ہیں نہ ہی مَوسَم بَدَلتے ہیں،
وَہاں تَو کُچھ نَہِیں ہَوتا جَہاں پَر تُم نَہِیں ہَوتے،

یَہاں وَیسے تَو ہَر سَوغات آسانی سے مِلتی ہے،
پَر مَیرا دِل نَہِیں لَگتا جَہاں پَر تُم نَہِیں ہَوتے،

یَہاں تَو لَوگ صَدِیُوں کَو بھی لَمحُوں میں بَدَلتے ہیں،
مَیرا اِک پَل نَہِیں کَٹتا جَہاں پَر تُم نَہِیں ہَوتے،

سَبَب رَونے کا وہ پُوچَھیں تَو قاصَد اِتنا کَہہ دَینا،
مُجھے ہَنسنا نَہِیں آتا جَہاں پَر تُم نَہِیں ہَوتے...!


Sunday, February 22, 2015

محبت کیا ہے ......

محبت کیا ہے دل کا درد سے مامور ہو جانا
متاع جاں کسی کو سونپ کر مجبور ہو جانا

بسا لینا کسی کو دل میں دل ہی کا کلیجہ ہے
پہاڑوں کو تو بس آتا ہے جل کر طور ہو جانا

نظر سے دُور رہ کر بھی تقی وہ پاس ہیں میرے
کہ میری عاشقی کو عیب ہے مہجور ہو جانا
۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔
مفتی تقی عثمانی دامت برکاتہم

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

10 Buddha Quotes To Make You More At Peace With Yourself

10 Buddha Quotes To Make You More At Peace With Yourself


It doesn't matter what religion you practice, what your background is or where you stand in life.

Buddha created and inspired generations of people to be their best selves, no matter where they came from.

Some of his sayings are the most intelligent in the world and incredibly life-changing. By understanding and analyzing his work, he can teach us so much about how to live our lives to the fullest.

"All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?"

We must change the way we think about things in order for them to be better. If our thought process changes, so will our lives.


"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything."

It's just like the old saying, we are what we think we are. We can't expect to be good if we don't think we are.

We can't expect to succeed in life if secretly, deep down inside, we truly believe we can't. When our beliefs about ourselves change, so do our outcomes.


"To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others"

It is more difficult to figure out where we are going in life than it is to figure out someone else. It is the most rewarding task because of how great the challenge is.

The path to discovering ourselves will be the hardest path we have to pave, but it will also lead us to be the best we can be.


"What we think, we become."

The people who stay put in life are the people who believed that was where they would end up.

If you dream big, big things happen, no matter how crazy people tell you that you are. We can become anything, as long as we think it.


"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it."

If the work you are doing doesn't make you want to wake up every morning, then it's time to find new work. There are only so many days in our lives to do what we love to do.


"The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed."

Some people have fear that gets in the way of their dreams. They have a bucket list of things that have never been completed because they fear what others may think.

When you clear the fear from your mind, life will be more open to you.


"You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself"

There is no way to go further in life if you are unwilling to give it your all. You must pave your own path to know the path that is best. You cannot follow someone else's path because you have not created it.


"The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows."

Some hide in fear of what others may think of them because of what society tells them. Those who are not afraid of themselves are not afraid of anything.

Express your feelings, follow what moves you and never be afraid to be you.


"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger."

Those who live in jealousy and hate will eventually fall to it. If you let go of the past, there is less to worry about.

Don't be upset with things you cannot control. For those things that you can control take the time to acknowledge your anger and move on from it.


"Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely."

If you live every day to the fullest, you will not be afraid to die tomorrow.

If this isn't the way you feel every day when you wake up, you must make a change to your life. Those who are not afraid to die are those who have learned to live.

Monday, January 05, 2015

20 Quick Reads that Will Change the Way You Live, Love and Work..

20 Quick Reads that Will Change the Way You Live, Love and Work..

2:16 AM
 
0
Based on a recommendation from an old friend, who also happens to be a psychologist and a successful entrepreneur, I read John Maxwell's book Failing Forward this past week.  It was an interesting self-improvement book all the way through, but the one section that really caught my attention was about a social experiment based on research by G.R. Stephenson.  Here's an excerpt:



"Four monkeys were placed in a room that had a tall pole in the center.  Suspended from the top of that pole was a bunch of bananas.  One of the hungry monkeys started climbing the pole to get something to eat, but just as she reached out to grab a banana, she was sprayed with a torrent of cold water from a hose.  Squealing, she scampered back down the pole and abandoned her attempt to feed herself.  Each of the other three monkeys made similar attempts and each one was drenched with cold water.  After making several attempts, they all finally gave up.

The researchers then removed the water hose and one of the monkeys from the room and replaced her with a new monkey.  As the newcomer began to climb the pole, the other three grabbed her and pulled her down to the ground.  After trying to climb the pole several times and being dragged down by the others, she finally gave up and never attempted to climb the pole again.

The researchers continued to replace the original monkeys, one by one, and each time a new monkey was brought in the others would drag her down before she could reach the bananas.  In a short time, the room was filled with four monkeys who had never received a cold hosing.  None of them would climb the pole or allow other monkeys to climb the pole, and not one of them knew why."


Now, if it were possible to ask those monkeys why they wouldn't climb the pole, or allow any other monkey to climb the pole, I bet they would say something like, "I don't know. That's just how things are done around here."


Does that sound at all familiar to you?  Do you ever catch yourself thinking about the difficult endeavors in life that you're too scared to try, not because each task is impossible, but because you've never mindfully evaluated if there was a smarter way of achieving them?  How has social conditioning, old rumored problems, or just your own negative thinking about what is and isn't possible for you held you back?


No doubt, one of the greatest challenges in life is being your best in a world that's trying to keep you in line with everyone else.  And sometimes it really is our own thoughts that hold us back more than anything.


So with this in mind, it's time to read or re-read our twenty most popular posts (based on the number of reader views, shares and comments) from this past year.  If you give them a chance, each one of these posts has the power to help free your mind and get you back on track to living at your maximum potential.


01. 20 Things to Remember When You Think You're Not Good Enough – Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you're worthy of the trip.  Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside.  If we don't have the "right" job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or time-frame, we assume we're just "not good enough."  But that's simply not true.


02. 12 Quiet Rituals of Enormously Successful Humans – Truth be told, the result of enormous success is often pretty noisy – lots of people talking, writing and sharing stories about it.  The actual process of achieving enormous success, on the other hand, is far more discreet.  But it's this process that happens quietly, behind-the-scenes, that makes all the difference in the world.  So… May your actions speak louder than your words.  May your life preach louder than your lips.  May your success be your noise in the end.


03. 25 Things You Need to Stop Wasting Time On – A reader named Hope sent me an email that opened with, "The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second a year ago when, as I laid crushed under a 2000 pound car, I realized my husband and  9-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and absolutely OK."  And in the remainder of her email she talks about how her family spends significantly more time together now, simply sharing stories, telling jokes, and appreciating each other's company.  "The accident made us realize how much time we had been wasting every day on things that weren't important, which prevented us from spending quality time with each other," she said.  It's hard to think about a story like Hope's and not ask yourself:  "What do I need to stop wasting time on?"


04. 12 Toxic Behaviors that Push People Away From You – Your behavior is a little thing that makes a big difference.  Let's be honest though – we've all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another.  None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings, but many people are more evolved, balanced and aware, and such occurrences happen only rarely in their lives.  Whether your toxic behavior is a common occurrence, or just a once in a blue moon phenomena, it's critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you're behaving negatively, and consciously shift your mindset when necessary.


05. 10 Painfully Obvious Truths Everyone Forgets Too Soon – You know how you can hear something a hundred times in a hundred different ways before it finally gets through to you?  The ten truths in this post fall firmly into that category – life lessons that many of us likely learned years ago, and have been reminded of ever since, but for whatever reason, haven't fully grasped.  This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, "get it" and "remember it" once and for all… because the truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.


06. 20 Hard Things You Need to Do to Be Happy – There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.  You have to do hard things to be happy in life.  The things no one else is doing.  The things that frighten you.  The things others can't do for you.  The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.  Why? Because those are the things that define you.  Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living – between knowing the path and walking the path.


07. 16 Things Emotionally Strong People Don't Do – You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as capable as you have ever imagined.  It really only takes one idea, one second in time, one relationship, one dream, one leap of faith, to change everything, forever.  So hang in there.  Keep exercising your emotional strength.


08. 8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong – Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren't wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it's not what the world takes away from you that counts; it's what you do with what you have left. Yes, sometimes life closes doors because it's time to move forward.  And that's a great thing because we often won't move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.


09. 6 Strong Signs it's Time to Let Go – You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are too attached to the things you're supposed to let go of.  Many people believe holding on and hanging in there, infinitely, are signs of incredible strength.  But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then to actually do it.


10. 3 Questions that Will Free Your Mind and Turn Your Life Around – It's not the answers you get from others, but the questions you ask yourself that will help you grow stronger.  In fact, the simple questions you ask yourself on a daily basis will determine the type of person you become in the long run.


11. 7 Rituals You Should Steal from Extremely Creative People – It's often said that creativity can't be contained.  That creative inspiration and ideas arise suddenly out of nowhere and then fail to show up when we need them most.  And while that may be true for a specific idea, when you look at the broader picture, you realize that sustained creativity – having lots of creative ideas over time – doesn't come from a flash of brilliance or a single moment of inspiration.  It comes from a consistent set of rituals that serve as the bedrock for getting remarkable things done.


12. 7 Things Happy, Healthy People Do Every Morning – The morning is extremely important.  It is the foundation from which the day is built.  How you choose to spend your morning can be used to predict what kind of day you are going to have, and thus, what kind of life you are going to live.


13. 12 Things You Need to Remind Yourself of When You Wake Up – We may not always love everything about our lives, but deep down we do love and appreciate the magic of life itself.  Some part of us believes that everything and anything is possible. Sadly though, we don't always believe these possibilities are within our reach, even when they are.  We choose to believe we are incapable of living our lives the way we want to live them, at our full potential.  We choose to accept our reality as others have told us it has to be.  Wake up!  We don't have to do this to ourselves – none of us do.  We have a choice. We don't have to be complacent.  We don't have to fall into line.  It's time to remind yourself of a few key truths – right now and every morning hereafter.


14. 40 Regrets You Don't Want to Have in 40 Years – Stop wasting time regretting what you did a year ago.  Start doing what you have to do now so that in a year's time you won't regret what you did today.


15. 12 Promises You Should Make to Yourself and Keep Forever – Life is not all rainbows and butterflies.  It can be tough sometimes.  And you've paid a heavy price to get this far, so the best option is to really make it count by moving forward from where you are.  Free yourself from the world's negativity – from the sources of ignorance telling you what you can and cannot do – by promising to look ahead, to live ahead, and to get ahead.  In other words, start making positive promises to yourself!  When you become your own best friend, life is easier.


16. 8 Things You Should Never Give Up for a Relationship – Being alone doesn't mean you're weak, it simply means you're strong enough to wait for the right relationship.  We are reminded that unhealthy relationships restrict and impair, while healthy relationships bring freedom and life to our existence.  It's important to remember the difference.  It's important to remember what you should NEVER have to give up for a relationship.


17. 9 Good Signs You're in the Right Relationship – What do you think a "right relationship" should provide for the people in it?  Although the answer here is obviously subjective, in all relationships, romantic and platonic alike, there are some clear signs that things are going well.  In this post we take a look at some signs you're in the "right relationship," and corresponding tips that could potentially help you make a "wrong relationship" right.


18. 7 Important Life Lessons Everyone Learns the Hard Way – In the midst of my sorrow after losing a loved one, I came to realize that the tragic loss taught me three important things.  First, the worst things can happen to the best people for no obvious reason at all.  Second, most people, even the ones you don't think care, are genuinely good people who do care.  And finally, just as it is difficult to see all the opportunities life gives you until you're looking back, it is virtually impossible to fully understand certain life circumstances until they actually happen to you.  It's a variation of this final point that I explore in this post.


19. 40 Things I Want to Tell My Kids Before They're Too Cool to Listen – Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.  The same is true for adults too. I wrote this list for my son, Mac, but these reminders are equally relevant to everyone, of all ages.


20. 29 Signs You're Doing Just Fine (Even If It Doesn't Feel Like It) –Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to keep things in perspective and deal with them.  Rather than dwelling on what's missing in your life, start looking at what you have.  This isn't just about material possessions; it's about all the goodness in your life.  When you focus on the abundance you already have, the negative feelings that come from lacking something else gradually fade from your conscious.  Living isn't an easy thing to do, but it can be enjoyable when you start to see the good instead of focusing on the bad.

“My Dying Conscience”: Lovely poem by Reshmi Trivedi

Lovely poem by Reshmi Trivedi —————————————— Sometimes in the dark of the night, I visit my conscience   To see if  it is still breathing, F...