Saturday, March 06, 2010
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He was always there for her.
She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world,
I will marry you."
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'
The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, before they were yours, they were mine. '
This is how the human brain often works when our 'status changes'.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
This is a mathematical challenge, and it's been said that:
* If you're an engineer, you should be able to solve it in (under) three minutes,
* if you're an architect, in three hours;
* if you're a doctor, in six hours;
* if you're an accountant, in three months and
* If you're a lawyer, probably never.
What is the missing number in this logical series?
1, 2, 6, 42, 1806, ____???
The answer is the password to open the spreadsheet that is attached to this
email. If you figure it out, open the spreadsheet, type your name in, save
it and resend it to your friends.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.
Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter,
'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings.'
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.
'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady, 'now what is happening?'
'Not to worry,' says St. Peter, 'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'
'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'
'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter. 'You'll be raped and taken advantage of.'
'Maybe so,' says the old lady, but I've already got the holes for that.'
The Accountant replies "I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month."
The employee snaps back "Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report.
Monday, March 01, 2010
The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that some people were washing clothes in the water, and right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday...
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am? 'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question...
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question..
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fine way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very awkward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra..
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?
'I promise I won't' she says.
'I was behind you at McDonalds.'
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wajood-e-Hasti Ubher na sakti, Wajood-e-Loh-o-Qalam na hota.. .."
یہ چاند تارے فدا ہوں تجھ پر، الٹ دے تُو جو نقاب جاناں بہار ساری نثار تجھ پر، ہے چیز کیا یہ گلاب جاناں شمار کرتا ہوں خود کو تجھ پر، تُو زندگی...
محبتوں میں ہر ایک لمحہ وصال ہو گا۔۔۔ یہ طے ہوا تھا۔ بچھڑ کے بھی ایک دوسرے کا خیال ہو گا۔۔۔ یہ طے ہوا تھا۔ ۔۔ وہی ہُوا نا ، بدلتے موسم میں تم...
dukh dard meN hameshaa nikaale tumhaare khat aur mil gayii Khushii to uchhaale tumhaare khat sab chuuDiyaaN tumhaarii samandar ko sauNp di...
Phir se ankhoon main khawab Inshaa Ji, Ijtenaab, Ijtenaab, Ijtenaab Inshaa Ji…!!! (Ijtenaab: Refrain, Keep away)